Friends matter most to us when we realise that it is the only group of people we are most at ease with. This is especially so because we ourselves have chosen them unlike relatives we are born to, or colleagues we have little choice about.
Friends as they say are like beautiful, bright stars in the sky of our life – you don’t always see these stars but you know they are there. They emerge when you find yourself in the darkest moments.
I have had real good friends but really few. I am not complaining because they have been good to me and have been tolerant as well as supportive. I still can say that I have at least 2 friends since kindergarten and a handful since school/college. They have grown with me and we have shared a comfortable rapport discussing any issues with concern or casualness as they come.
I have had real miserable moments when the only thing that got me going was the way my friends looked up to me with respect and positivity. It is difficult to put into words the love and proximity you feel to a person you have known only a few years or even months. The attraction is instant or gradual – it may be the brainwaves or intellect or attitude or even personality – but you know you want to be around that person.
For some it is as easy as breathing to make new friends, for others it may take a long time for the trust and faith to set in. Openness, acceptance, love, relaxation – they help in making friends – it’s like a Zen experience.
I personally categorise friends and acquaintances separately. These are as distinct to me as milk and oil. I may make acquaintances by the dozen, I may be polite and considerate to them, but I am not attached to them in anyway. Walking away from acquaintances is not an effort whereas you could never imagine walking out on friends.
However, a time comes when you no longer can deal with certain issues with your friends. One of them may have changed too much for you to accept. You see the distance in their eyes and no bridge of common friends can get you together. This is heartbreaking for a simpleton, sympathising soul like me. You have to detach yourself from not just that one friend but the common friends as well. The loneliness is like an unending desert with heartburn from the Sun of cherished memories which plays on your head till you collapse in your solitude – reclusive and depressed.
A closure is essential to end this lingering confusion to your decision to call it quits. A fickle, indecisive action cannot cut this strong bond of togetherness. Severing ties takes skill and patience, to face opposition and worse an acceptance of your break-up by the other person. Empathy will bring more heartache; but keeping in mind the future you see for yourself and the flock you want to fly with will guarantee a more forceful and effective change in status quo.
There is no point carrying baggage or continuing a diseased relationship. It is difficult and crucial to go through with your decision when you know you have done enough while the other party refuses to acknowledge your efforts. Amputation of this organ would be felt with body, mind & soul reaching out to touch it and not finding it but with time the wound heals and you discover better supporting crutches to lean on.
Undoing Friendships is a dreaded event for me but I have done it and will do it when I know I don’t intend to herd with black sheep.